


Utterly Appalling

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Series: Players read fanfiction! [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Implied Relationships, M/M, Mentioned Andrew Shaw/Brandon Bollig, Mentioned Tyler Seguin/Jonathan Toews, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick should have known better than to click on anything Tyler Seguin sent him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Utterly Appalling

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You're So Vain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149420) by [BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse). 



Patrick should have known better than to click on anything Tyler Seguin sent him.

Tyler had been texting him a lot lately, random pictures of himself and Jamie doing mundane things. They became friends in Biel, but to have Tyler sending him so many pictures of himself and his (possibly new?) boyfriend was just weird.

Patrick is hanging out with his team after practice, a relaxed feeling he hasn't felt in a long time coming over him, when Tyler sends him a link through his e-mail. He goes against everything he's ever believed in, and clicks the link right there in the locker room. He's lucky that it doesn't lead to porn or anything with sound, but instead what it does is bring him to some type of story.

He's confused at first, thinking it might be an article or something, but no, it's just a like any other story. He's wondering why Tyler would send him a random story when what he's reading finally registers.

It's about Tyler, something about having sex with his step-brother, and Patrick is completely confused until he sees one of the tags at the top that says _Alternate Universe_. He at least knows what that is. So, he continues reading, because if Tyler Seguin sent him porn about himself, Patrick can tell all of his teammates and they can chirp Segs for the rest of his life.

The next paragraph is where shit gets serious and Tyler's mom marries Jonny's dad. That one throws him for a loop, Patrick holding his phone farther away from his face, squinting to make sure he read it right. No one in the locker room is paying attention, too busy messing around together, so Patrick brings his phone back toward him, worrying his lip in between his teeth as he reads on.

It talks about Tyler spending time with David, which Patrick knows is pretty fun, when he finally meets some guy at the pool. The guy's description reminds him starkly of Jonny and then suddenly Patrick has a sinking feeling in his stomach. He scrolls down and reads some of the paragraphs at the bottom and he's done even trying to read the story and is absolutely mortified because the story has Tyler and Jonny having sex.

Patrick will not stand for this.

He waves at the guys, telling them he needs to make a quick phone call, and heads to some place he can yell at Tyler in private.

 _"Hello?"_ Tyler says with a gasp of air, his voice hoarse.

"Oh my God, are you having sex?" Patrick asks, horrified.

 _"Shit,"_ Tyler mutters, not answering Patrick's question.

"Fuck! Call me back!" Patrick exclaims, hanging up right as Tyler let's out a loud moan. "Yeah, well, fuck you," he mutters, ignoring the five-year old in him that's saying that's exactly what Tyler is doing.

His phone rings not three minutes later, an obnoxious bell sound cutting through the silence.

 _"Sorry about that,"_ Tyler says.

"What, couldn't last longer?" Patrick snips.

 _"You weren't there for the first fifteen minutes, now were you,"_ Tyler replies. Patrick isn't impressed.

"What the fuck was up with the story, dude?"

 _"Oh! It's called fanfiction and it's wonderful,"_ Tyler replied, his voice no longer raspy and hoarse.

"That, whatever that was, was not wonderful. You were just having sex with Benn, weren't you? Why would you be reading anything about you and Jonny of all fucking people?"

_"Because it's the only one I've found. I mostly read me and Jamie, just on principle, but I thought you'd get a kick out of it."_

"I want to kick something," Patrick replied, grinding his teeth.

 _"No need to get jealous,"_ Tyler replies, his grin bleeding into his voice. _"There are ones of you and Jonny too."_

"I'm not... me and Jonny?" Patrick asks hesitantly.

Patrick shouldn't fall to the temptation, shouldn't have even listened to Tyler, but after Tyler tells him to follow the username on the story, he's thrown into a world he didn't ever want to know about. He avoids the _Sidney Crosby/Patrick Kane_ story for his own good and twitches when he sees another mentions of Tyler and Jonny together. He sees a _Brandon Bollig/Andrew Shaw_ one and snorts just because of the accuracy of the couple, but then stops when he finally sees a _Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews_. He's debating between clicking on the story and clicking on their names when he notices that the writer made him a girl. He's all for 'girls are just as smart and shit as guys', he has three sisters and his mom is a superhero, but he objects to being anybody but himself. Literally. So, he clicks on their names and makes the next worse decision of his life. He clicks on the first story he sees.

It's porn. Unabashed porn and Patrick has never felt his face get this hot before. He shifts from his position, suddenly remembering he's still at the UC, and finishes the story against his better judgment. He's gotten laid before, some of them vanilla as fuck and others hot as hell, but this story was scorching and Patrick has to adjust himself in an attempt to not have any obvious signs of his stupid boner. He finishes the story because he doesn't know when to give up and he has to think of the Tyler/Jonny story before he allows himself to leave the room.

He's back in the locker room, some of the guys nodding at him as he makes his way there, before he knows it. He's almost done getting his stuff ready to leave when Sharpy skips over to him, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"You okay there, Peeks? Your face is a little red," he says, throwing an arm around Patrick's shoulder.

"I'm fine man, get off," Patrick mutters, keeping his eyes strictly on his bag.

"Really? Haven't gotten any awkward phone calls?" Sharpy asks, Shawzy cackling form somewhere in the room.

"You didn't listen to my conversation," Patrick stated, wishing it to be true.

"I didn't mean to, Peekaboo," Sharpy replies, grinning, "but I did get to hear you scream at someone for having sex while you were on the phone with them. Was it one of your sisters? Are you scarred for the rest of your life?"

Patrick finally turns to stare at Sharpy in horror. It was bad enough that he had to hear Tyler. The fact the Sharpy implied it might have been one of his sister, _who were never going to have sex, god damnit,_ was appalling.

"Fuck you, Sharpy!" Patrick shouted, his hands falling over his eyes. "I don't need that image in my head!"

Their remaining teammates laugh, Patrick is slightly disappointed that he doesn't hear Jonny's obnoxious one, and start chirping Patrick instantly. He laughs along, Tyler and his stupid fanfiction leaving his mind until he's home all alone.

He gets the site from his phone, typing it carefully into his laptop. He finds himself back at the _Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews_ page and reads that there are a little over 900 stories in the archive. Patrick wiggles his fingers above his keyboard, debating, before he starts reading any of the works that interest him.

It's going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm laughing so hard because if this actually happened in real life, Tyler would be just as much of a shit head as I described him.
> 
> My personal headcanon is that they write fanfic and shit, being each other's betas when needed. They'd eventually get tumblr accounts and everything. Becomes queens in the fandom and no one would suspect a fucking thing. 
> 
> I'm fuckyoucanada on tumblr, because fuck you, Canada.


End file.
